Jaw Pain

Last year I discovered I could pop my Jaw out of place at the joint right in front of the ear. I thought it was fun to do so till it started hurting every time i did it. Most of the time it only pops out of place when i open my mouth really wide while yawning or something. Recently though it's started happening more and more. Now it's to the point that I can't open my mouth wider than an inch before it pops. Last night at the Jazz game my jaw actually became so stiff that I physically could not open my mouth wide enough to stick a fork and some food in it.

I've also had a continuous head ache for about two weeks (the same time my jaw has been acting funny) and I now have a sore throat, but only on the side of my mouth where my jaw hurts. I have no idea if these symptoms are related in anyway.

Last night I looked up Jaw Pain online: turns out there are many things that can cause pain in your jaw including migraines, cluster head aches, and sinuous infections which are all things that happen to occur with me on a fairly regular basis. While i was look though I found something called TMJ, all of the symptoms match up perfectly. It also talked about how there isnt really a sure way on getting rid of your TMJ and there were a whole bunch of comments from people who have had this pain for 25+ years and nothing has helped.

I really started to worry and I think Andrew could tell. So I told him about all the stuff i read online and then just started cry because I was so scared I was just going to have this chronic pain in my jaw for the rest of my life! He was very comforting and we started discussing the things you can do to reduce the pain and stop TMJ. #1 no more nail biting or chewing gum #2 always having the jaw slightly separated. It also talked about how TMJ can occur because of stress. Andrew asked if i thought this could possibly be the cause of it. I told him I had a lot on my plate but i didn't "feel" stressed. Then we started talking about how sometimes he doesn't feel stressed but there is always this constant list in the back of his head of things he has to do for us, and before the wedding and so on.

We decided we needed to follow the advice and council in the last General Conference about simplifying our lives so I said "okay, what are things that we don't need to do or worry about and put them aside" He told me he was worried about buying me a nice ring and being able to afford it. I told him "I could wear a plain old band for all I care! I don't care what other people think. It's not how big or pretty it is, it's what it symbolizes" I told him i would be happy with a simple old ring and that we should plan on just getting something like that. He told me he'd think about it and that he was very appreciative of my willingness.

Next we tried to analyse my daily activities to try to simplify my life. I insisted that I had nothing that I could get rid of. I spend my day doing school work which can't be put aside, working when i'm not at school or doing school work, and working out.

I admitted to him that I've been pushing myself A LOT with my diet and work outs to try to look as best as I can on our honeymoon. I've only been eating 1200 cals a day (recommended by my personal trainer) and working out for a minimum of 1 1/2 a day (with some rest days). He said "would it help you if I told you I like you exactly the way you are and don't need you to change for me? would it help you to know that i think you're dead sexy and absolutely gorgeous EXACTLY how you are now?"

When he said that I just started balling, to the point of hiccups. I've always known he thinks i'm good looking, he tells me every day with out fail. For some reason I just hadn't let it sink in till then. Or at least let myself feel pretty and good and perfectly content with how I look.

I told him it had actually been a huge stress with out me realizing it. being on my diet, every time i ate something wrong i felt so guilty and would beat myself up over it. I worked myself to death everyday at the gym trying to look like a Victoria secret model. After he said that to me and I accepted it and was okay with looking how I am a huge amount of stress was relieved from my shoulders. Not having to worry about what meals I eat and when and how many grams of this and that I have, it is amazing!

I know I can maintain the weight I am now, that's easy. I really didn't realize how much it was tearing me apart until last night.

I still have my jaw pain but this morning I went to the gym and worked out just because i enjoyed it. I didn't push myself terribly and only worked out for 40 mins. It felt really nice. Andrew is awesome! I'm so glad he can work through stuff like this with me and still love me after seeing my face all red and blotchy. I feel like everything is going to be okay, especially if we keep simplifying and recognizing what the important things in life are.