Really Bad Dreams

Yesterday, all day, I moved Andrew and I into our new apartment. This will be my first time living out of my parents house and I'm quite excited but also quite scared now that the nights of living at my parents house are growing shorter. I asked Andrew "Is it normal to feel this way?" Andrew did not know what way I was referring to. "Is it normal to look around at your new apartment and want to cry because it doesn't feel like home" he told me that he' s moved around many times and reassured me that he always had that feeling in each new place but also that it slowly went away as he found ways to make where ever he was living a home.

We got back from running Andrew's dad's truck down to Orem around 12:00 and as quickly as possible I jumped into bed, something I had looked forward to since about 6:00 that evening. It wasn't as comfortable as it always has been. Although I'm sleeping on a comfortable mattress, my bed is at the new apartment, and my room is taken apart with misc things laying everywhere. I finally fell asleep probably around 12:20.

At 1:00 I was suddenly awoken. "Laura get up....laura get up....laura get up". I sprung up from my bed when i then heard "look behind you, quick, look behind you" I looked behind me to see Darkness extending from the wall over my bed. I got up, flung open my door, raced to my parents bedroom where I can't quite remember what I did. I remember my dad asking me something and I replied "I don't know" twice and then told them how i had heard the voice telling me to wake up and look behind me and how I saw the darkness. Their replies are still fuzzy in my memory. I only remember "I hate those dreams" and "It's because you went to the temple", what ever that means?

My mommy pulled me down into a hug where she could feel my sopping wet hair and back and told me I was shaking. We actually laughed and made a couple jokes about how I could sleep the rest of the night in there with them, something I did as a little girl after having a bad dream.

I forced myself to go look in my room, all was fine besides the blankets thrown from the bed. next I forced myself to turn off the light crawling into bed saying "please God protect me, please please please dismiss any unwanted or evil spirits". I felt better although my eyes would not shut and my back was seemingly glued to the top of the bed.

The cat came in. I've never been so happy to sleep with my cat. What comfort these small animals can bring. I thought as I laid their wide awake about how interesting certain parts of this story are. First that I ran so quickly from the "Darkness" and second that I ran to my parents room for protection. I love my parents very dearly but through the years I've become more and more independent claiming I do not need their protection and that I can do things by myself. I think that this proved otherwise. Also it was very interesting to see my parents reaction to the situation. My Dad wide awake shaking me, anxiously waiting for me to tell him what was wrong. He was ready and any minute to protect my mom and I, obviously thinking something worse than a bad dream, I could see it in his eyes and his body.

I slowly, after 40 minutes, aloud myself to roll to one side and fall asleep.

I woke up again an hour later to my mom leaning over me as I slept. She was taller than usual and had all of her temple clothes on and a veil over her face. She was very rigid and unmoving as she leaned over me. I was shocked but called out to her calmly asking "what are you doing?" with no reply I ask again with more intensity "mom, what are you doing?!" she did not reply again. I said her name "Vivian" she continued to stair at me, I said it again "VIVIAN!". I sat up and realized I was talking to an empty room.

I felt like I was going crazy, I once again laid back into bed with my back super glued to the bed swimming in my own sweat. I got up, went to the bathroom and was terrified to go back to sleep. I did not want to wake up in another hour to something worse, something scarier.

I'm now writing this post at 3:30 in the morning. Too scared to go back to bed. I keep thinking how much I want Andrew to be here. Wishing we were already married so I don't have to go back to bed alone. running on 2 hours of sleep is not ideal for the day before I get married.