Death. I've thought a lot about death. Why is life so fragile? There are so many things that can go wrong in just a split second and you or someone you love or some stranger is gone. There are so many people who leave their house, I'm sure not expecting anything bad to happen and having no reason to, and they never come back. There are so many news stories about people of all ages dying. Of course this is a natural thing, if no one died we'd be severely over populated among other things.
Of course I find comfort in the knowledge that this life is only temperamental and is not the end. I know that I will be able to see all of my friends and family again. I'm not worried about death, I'm not scared of death, I've just been thinking a lot about it. Why though?
I guess realizing that this life is very very short makes me think more about the real reason i'm on this earth. Everyday my life has purpose but is it the right purpose? I spend 30 minutes a day reading my scriptures, and say my prayers. That's about 40 minutes a day that I spend just thinking about the gospel. 40 minutes out of 24 hours....
A lot of my time thinking is spent on our next vacation, or what are we going to do for fun, or I wish my life was like this and we had this house. But is that what this life is about? It's really quite sad the amount of time I spend 'dedicating' my life to the gospel. What more should I and could I be doing? Maybe i'll start with what I could be doing less of and go from there.
-Less time thinking about all the 'stuff' I want.
-Less time on the internet.
-Less time watching movies or the TV.
-Less time shut up in my apartment (how can I serve others if I'm not even around them).
-Less time thinking about my self, specifically feeling sorry for my own discomforts or trials.
Okay so those are a few basic things I could do less of so that I have more time to do...what? Maybe I should go back to the basics. What are the BASIC reasons why I'm here?
-Get a body.
-Gain a testimony, or faith in the Gospel teachings.
-Get baptized.
-Receive the gift of the Holy Ghost.
-Receive the full blessings of the temple.
-Create a family.
-Raise the family in the Gospel.
-"Always remember him"
Those are the basic reasons I can think of off the top of my head right now. All of which aren't easy things to do in of them selves but even then I feel like there is more. More that comes between the lines. To always remember him...now that's big stuff. How do I always remember him and what does that entail? How can I break down "always remembering him", and living the gospel, and devoting my life to church into simple things I can do everyday? I mean after I've read my scriptures and said my prayers and paid my tithing and gone to church and taught my sunday school class. What do I do with that time in between that brings me closer to being the woman I am meant to be? Do I spend more time reading my scriptures? Am I expected to stay home on the weekends with Andrew and read scriptures? If so...that's going to be a big challenge. I guess what i'm asking is how can I take it to the next level? I'm sure I'll read this post in months or years from now with a better understanding and think 'you were asking all the wrong questions', but as for now this is how I see it.
What do you think? Most people who read my blog are much older, and wiser than I and maybe already have a good perspective on this.
It makes me wonder what the prophet does with his "spare time"?
I have no advice, as I am in the same position. Here I am reading blogs instead of reading the scriptures while my baby is asleep. I need a reboot!
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