Today is the day before I get Induced to go into labor. I thought I would write down my feelings and so on right now, before the actual induction instead of trying to remember how I felt and everything being obscured by what really goes down.
I've kept my induction on the down-low. Why? Probably because it's not what I wanted to happen. Sometimes though these things are for the better and I know it and that's why I said okay. Last time I went into the doctor my blood pressure was 161/87...not good. I've grown to really love my doctor and trust her completely although quite honestly the first time I met her I thought she was too soft spoken and I wondered if she would be able to instruct me on what to do forcefully enough. I originally went to her because when Andrew and I moved I had to change doctors. It so happens that the closest hospital to us is the one my mom works at so I had her refer me to a good doc and she sent to me Leslie Ostler. Like I said previously, I now love her and trust her with my life and my baby so when she told me she would feel most comfortable inducing me at 37 weeks, because of my high blood pressure, I just took a deep breath and agreed. I don't think Ostler would induce me if she didn't think it was going to be best for the baby and for myself.
 |
| One last belly shot while watching the Eclipse Sunday night |
Go in on Monday (tomorrow) and already be dilated to a 2 or a 3 so they can break my water and try to induce labor that way. 2 weeks ago I was dilated a little more than a 1 and I've had pretty consistent contractions since then so I'm hoping this isn't too far of a stretch.
Contractions start and I go into labor somewhat 'naturally' giving me the best chance at continuing the rest of the labor with out the help of medications. I must say here and now though that I really have quite an open mind to meds and a c-section (if necessarily).
I then labor for how ever many hours it takes till baby is born. Fingers crossed that baby is born very healthy and that we can start breast feeding and bonding almost immediately.
In a less perfect world:
Go in on Monday and I'm still a 1 so they start a small amount of Pit till I am dilated to a 2 or 3. Then they will turn off the Pit, break my water, and try to keep labor going that way.
Everything else goes as in "my perfect world".
In an even less perfect world:
Even after breaking my water I am still not progressing well enough and need to continue small amounts of Pit.
I could keep going on to if they have to just pump in the Pit and I can't handle the contractions and get an epidural and so on but you get the picture I'm sure. I've read and heard from everyone that when you are induced using Pit that it is much much harder to go naturally because of the intensity of the contractions. Maybe this is another reason why I haven't advertised the fact that I'm getting induced, because so many people have shown a lack in confidence in me and the scenario. I honestly have no idea how I'll handle labor. I could very possibly walk into that hospital, have some good contractions, and order the doc to get me a beeping epidural. :) What ever ends up happening will happen and I will be happy with any outcome.
There are 2 reasons why i'm hoping to go natural. 1- because I want to be as able bodied as possible for when Nal arrives and 2- because I sincerely want to know what it was like for my ancestors to give birth. Namely the ones that delivered while crossing the plains. As well, I wish to know what it was like for Mary to give birth to Jesus. I know my experience, even if I do go naturally, will not be anywhere close to these incredible women. These women certainly did not have the luxury of a hospital, medical staff, a thermostat, and cold ice chips... So maybe that just means I feel the pain of a difficult contraction and appreciate that there is no way I could do what they did and ask for an epidural, hehe.
Am I ready? Yes! but at the same time a huge astounding NO!! I'm ready to not be pregnant anymore but I sure am nervous for what that means. Fingers crossed for this baby being my easy one! Kathleen, Andrew's mom, told me that she believes each child with their individual personality is sent to you at that specific time. That is for both you and that child, for with each child you are a different mom. That brings me a bit of confidence that possibly I can make it through although I don't really have the choice not to.
Well we'll see how all of this compares to what really happens. Wish me and the baby and Andrew luck!
IT was smart to write down your feelings beforehand, and to have such an open mind and good attitude about it.In a "perfect" world, and in an "actual" world are sometimes polar opposites... at least they were for me. But your experience is your own. Nobody should ever judge you because nobody can tell you how you feel and what you need. In the end, you have your beautiful baby and now you'll move forward. Every new beginning comes from some other beginnings end. The end of your pregnancy marks the beginning of parenthood. It is amazing and wonderful and spiritual ... and it is frustrating, stressful, patience-testing, and the most difficult thing you'll ever do. I don't say that to discourage you, just so you know that having a bad moment/day, does not make you a bad mom, and you are not the only one to ever experience negativity. Trust yourself and Andrew, and be willing to ask for, and accept help. And sleep as much as you can!!!!
ReplyDelete